Don't Go Chasing Waterfalls

I was working from home and planning to go to the bank at lunch so I could put my cheque in, but it was raining cats and dogs (2 months of rain in one day so the news has said) so I decided to wait until it stopped to go. I always take my lunch at 1pm and as I am keen to make sure no-one becomes suspicious of how much work I do when I'm working from home I became nervous about going offline for the 30 minutes or however long it would take to go to the bank. So as soon as it stopped raining I jumped up, put on my coat and stepped out the door.

Except outside my door wasn't the familiar hallway, but instead a massive mess of soggy newspapers on top of a layer of bin bags surrounded by buckets. A veritable brown waterfall was pouring from the gaps around the hatch in the ceiling which led to the roof. While I stared in shock and awe at this development, a little voice got my attention.

A little old lady in her slippers said in an italian accent "I'm sorry I'm...." and gestured to my next door neighbours door.

"...locked out?" I ventured.

She shrugged and said "I no speak english" and then banged on the door and waited. Aware of my urgent task and limited time to do it in, I closed the door behind me and dashed off to the bank, where I did my urgent bank stuff. I worried that I had been a dick for not inviting her in or making sure she was ok, and resolved to invite her in for a cuppa when I returned, imagining the smug satisfaction I would feel from doing a neighbourly turn.

When I got back into my building, I immediately could hear a massive repetitive banging sound. I mounted the stairs confused and cautious, and when I got to my floor I was bemused to find the old lady attacking her door with a stick. Attacking it pretty furiously I might add. My front door is made of two sheets of steel bolted to a frame, so I can only imagine my neighbours is too, and that what she was doing was entirely fruitless (and if it wasn't fruitless - kinda stupid). So I decided to get me some smug satisfaction.

I said hello and asked her if I could help...which only involved me trying to stick my arm through her letter box for a second. I soon discovered that her not being able to speak english wasn't just over-zealous modesty - she had no idea what I was saying. I began mostly shrugging, smiling, speaking loudly and playing charades to try and get the idea through to her that I was going to call the land lord for her. She was not really interested in the babblings of a foreign stranger, but I gave her a glass of water and left my door open while I panickily got the details off of Kathy and eventually got the landlord to agree to send over a locksmith. I even got the old lady to tell me her name....or just some name of someone, I still don't know for sure. The landlord recognised it though, so it must have been someone who lived there.

I emptied the buckets and allowed her to wash her hands - which was communicated by her showing me her hands were effin filthy and her pointing at the sink! When she came out I gestured towards our living room and a chair, and then made a cup of tea and shoved it in her hands. Task accomplished!

No sense of satisfaction though....or resolution. I began to start texting people I thought spoke italian so I could communicate with the woman and explain what was going on. She drank the tea slowly and started to look forlorn. She hadn't really drunk the water I gave her, and didn't ask for the tea, so I started to think this situation was pretty weird to her. I hadn't closed our front door, but it was only ajar now, and she was sitting in our messy and childish living room on an uncomfortable chair while a strange english man made loud panicked phone calls and kept glancing at her! I started to worry that I had kidnapped her accidentally.

I finally found someone at Kathys' work who would text me in italian anything I asked, so I got it and showed her. After staring at my screen for a few seconds she said "I no my glasses. Who is Kathy?" (as the text was from Kathy). The text was short, and my screen showed a pic of Kathy feeding some ponies, so I think she might have thought I was just showing off my wife to her. Damnit! My phobia of strangers was becoming a bit overwhelming by this point, and now it seemed that this woman would permanently remain a stranger, and worse, she was in my home!

So anyway, from then on my panic grew, even as the situation remained static. A builder called me to say he couldn't come fix the lock, and asked if my flat was leaking water too. It was only then I started noticing all the damp patches on the walls in weird places. So I started panicking about that too - calling our land lord every 20 minutes or so for updates about everything (as no-one arrived for hours). I was dealing with a couple crisis's at work at the same time, so my stress levels were getting out of control, but I had to remain calm as this old lady was sitting next to me and I didn't want to freak her out anymore than I already had. She looked really small and sad by this point.

I told Kathy I needed her to come home and help me. She knew there was nothing she could do, but she left 20 mins early bless her, coz she knew I'm a bit crazy about such things. I sat there for another hour or two in silence with this old lady, afraid to eat or drink due to the social awkwardness of not being able to ask her if she wanted anything. Just a minute before Kathy arrived, she got up and rushed out, and after I cautiously followed her, I found her son outside. It turned out she was visiting him from italy, and was trying to fix the leaking roof when she was locked out of his flat. It was the first and only time I've met my neighbour.

Kathy came back and called the Landlord repeatedly until a builder actually arrived and fixed the leak (the roof drains were clogged). She then told me off for not taking the leak(s) seriously, as I told her that I had only even asked for a builder when the locksmith one started questioning me!

And then I had my first cigarette in months to calm down. It wasn't that nice or calming, but still probably helped.

Phew.

I know it doesn't sound like much, but social awkwardness and strangers are two of my biggest phobias and they were both right there in my home. And I was dealing with work emergencies, home emergencies, and being crazy hungry and thirsty on top of these! Just goes to show, charity may begin at home, but it should probably continue outside of your home unless you really like hanging out with strangers.