"Here's a pound son" "Uh...no it's alright, i'm not homeless"

Hey kids, my name's Justin, but you can call me Swane.

So today I was talking to an ex girlfriend of mine and she said that she had to do a charity run a coupla days after her birthday and that got me thinking. Aren't all sponsered events just a way of tricking people into giving to charity? I mean it's like going up to one of your friends and saying "hey man, there are fucking millions of people getting fucked up each year, so why not stop being such a selfish motherfucker and give them some spare change?" and your friend saying "well, why should I?" and you saying "well if you do then i'll do some stupid shit like run 10 miles or something". It's not exactly charity if you have to be conned into it is it? I know this sounds stupid, as of course sponsered events are a good idea, but isn't it fucking depressing that people don't just say "10 miles? fucking hell man i won't make you do that, here's £20, and i'll put another £20 in the post. 10 miles! You are one crazy motherfucker". Or something like that perhaps with less swearing if it's an old bastard you're talking to.

It's like when the big issue salesman asks if he can keep the magazine after you've just bought it off him and you feel like he's a skank. Why didn't you just give him the money to start with? It's not like there aren't a million other magazines for you to read for free out there. Making homeless people work for there money is pretty much the stupidest thing I've ever heard. How are they meant to get out of mad poverty if they have to work to survive within it.

Man, this is making me sound like some sorta hippy bitch. Well the thing is that I have been mistaken for a homeless person more than once so i sorta feel an afinity for down and outs. Like those poor motherfucking Millers in Eastenders. Or Homer's brother once Homer has bankrupted him. Thanks to him I'll never forget that discarded pizza boxes are an indispensable source of cheese.

I gotta go, it's beer o'clock