The Age of Swan

Today I decided that I wasn't going to worry about being the greatest anymore. Or being rich. Or being anything but being happy really. Since I quit I've been beating myself up over my desire to start my own business, and my lack of abilities in the are which I want to get involved. Imagining that I could get some of my friends to help out, or that extra effort on my behalf would make all the difference has led me to being disappointed at not being able to bring about a better tomorrow for myself through sheer hard work. So I realised today that I shouldn't kick myself about it. Yes I want to do good in the world, but it doesn't have to be an overnight Facebook size success that I just knock up in my living room.

I'm just gonna get a job doing something I like and respect myself for and work on what I want to do in my spare time. If I can help the world even moderately then my life will have been a success. I think that's reasonable isn't it?

That's today's opinion anyway, and I hope I stick to it. I think something different everyday about the possibility of my success or my inevitable failure, but this seems like a good plan to me.

Also it means I don't have to waste my unemployment time feeling depressed about how lame I am. I mean yes, I'm still going to have the startlingly diminished sense of self-worth due to not having a job, and yes I'm going to still be a pointlessly jealous motherfucker when I can't afford to do things that I didn't want to do even when I could afford them. But I'm also going to take this extra time as a fucking blessing; time to get my life in order and smell the motherfucking roses.

I love my wife. I love my life. These can be good times. I just need to get a job I like and boom, it's the age of the Swan.