Tosh

“It's too hot to write a spy story Percy, why don’t we have a nice game of croquet instead. We could take some of that opium you’re always banging on about too and really make a day of it” Said Henry to his loyal manservant.

“I’ve never banged on about opium Sir” said Percy. “I am fairly sure I’ve never even mentioned it. I would like a lovely game of croquet though if you’d like”.

“Without the opium I feel it would be quite the bore I’m afraid Percy. If it wasn’t you then who was it talking about opium. Martha perhaps? MARTHA? COULD YOU COME IN HERE PLEASE?” said Henry.

“Yes Sir?” said Martha upon quietly entering the room and closing the doors behind her.

“Have you got any of that opium you’re always banging on about? I think I’d like to give it a try” said Henry.

“I have never banged on about opium sir, I think you are referring to yourself.” said Martha.

“Me? I’ve never even tried the stuff. Why would I bang on about it? I’ve only just decided to give it a go as of five minutes ago. Percy will tell you. Percy – didn’t I just decide to try opium but five minutes ago while we were discussing croquet?” Henry said.

“No sir. You’ve asked me about it every day for the past year. I am quite certain from your current state that you have tried it several times just today in fact” said Percy.

“Tosh” said Henry. “If I was going to try opium I think I would remember it. Now where is my heroin, you are both giving me quite the headache”.