Day 5

How to make a woman you're dating fall in love with you: every night when you go to bed, put a nicotine patch on her arm, and take it off just before she wakes up. That way, she'll always crave being with you, and will likely mistake that for love in the long term. That's what I always tell people when they ask how I got my beautiful wife, although really I did it with charm and perseverance. Or at least perseverance. I would have been quite a bastard if I had done that though, as wearing the patch is not fun, and gives you crazy dreams to boot.

Last night I dreamt I was solving a murder out on a hill billy farm in America, the night before I dreamt I was a falconer, and the night before that I dreamt that my job was just to argue with people all the time. The patch makes me feel fucking weird all day and night, so if I had stuck it to Kathy when she slept, she would as likely gone crazy and murdered me as fell in love with me.

Maybe it's the cheap Boots own brand patches I have opted for this time around, but I really don't remember feeling like this last time I tried out the patch. I feel fucking odd most of the time - I'm emotional to the max and perhaps more indecisive that I have ever been. But then again, both of those sentences are usually true about me.

I went to Ikea with my Mum today, and I wasn't tearing my hair out with family stress after an hour or two like I usually would be. Not constantly needing a cigarette break made the flat pack furniture giant much less of a modern day hell hole too. And not looking forward all day to being able to smoke as much as I want when I got home and away from the judgmental looks of my elderly mother, meant that I could enjoy the moment a lot more. I'm finally feeling the positives of this difficult endeavor it seems. Boo ya!

So as much I have missed the ability to regulate my mood with cancer sticks, I think I must be over the hump now, as my mood seems to not need regulating nearly as often. Or possibly my good mood now is in fact just another massive mood swing which will be reversed again tomorrow. I choose to believe the former, as otherwise, why the fuck am I doing this?